Business

Quarantined Uber Driver Keeps Offering Wife Little Water Bottle, Phone Charger

CHICAGO- Forced to conduct business from home while quarantined, Uber Driver Deborah Tulley spends most hours offering her partner little water bottles and use of a phone charger, according to neighbors.

“She basically follows her around the house asking if she needs an Android plug or a lightning cord, because she has both ‘just in case’,” confirmed one resident. “Ms. Tulley also has a bunch of those mini Dasani bottles, which she keeps trying to hand back over her shoulder.”

Sasha Ramirez, the woman’s spouse, says Tulley often asks her if the music on her laptop is too loud, or if she’d like her to adjust the temperature in the room.

Ms. Ramirez, a high profile attorney, says she’s struggling to be polite while also aiming to be productive. “I don’t want to be rude while I’m firing off emails and re-scheduling meetings but she keeps wanting to make small talk. Her parents already think I’m a two star spouse so I don’t want to lower my points with them.”

Those familiar with the couple say the quarantine has made conversations something of a dance. “She’ll bring up politics in this sort of evasive way, with like broad statements on things to suss out where I stand before going off on one party. Which is weird, because she and Sasha both voted for Jill Stein in 2016,” observed a friend of the family.

The real pet peeve, Ms. Ramirez said, was the surrender of her individual Lifesavers mints, which Tulley has taken to safe-keeping in her pen cup. “She’ll ask me if I want one for my ‘big night on the town.’ Like yes, they’re my fucking mints.”

At press time, Ms. Tulley had begun arguing loudly with someone on the other end of a call on her bluetooth headset.

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