Local Politics

Nation Knows More “Secret Disneyworld Facts” Than Parts Of Its Bill Of Rights

ARLINGTON- According to a new report from the Pew Research Center, Americans are substantially more familiar with “secret Disneyworld facts” than with text from the Bill of Rights. Researchers say Americans consistently excelled at identifying Mickey Mouse logos hidden in Magic Kingdom attractions, whereas most were unable to summarize the third amendment. “We were hoping Americans would be able to intuit some limitations of the first amendment, based on how well they knew the map of tunnels below Epcot. That wasn’t the case,” sighed archivist Eli Solomon. Though most respondents were able to provide an in-depth explanation of the calligraphy classes required for each Princess impersonator, most subjects showed “minimal, if any” understanding of concepts like probable cause or due process. “We weren’t asking them to translate “habeus corpus” but if you’re gonna take the time to master Na’vi it’s a bit concerning, from a civics perspective.” Researchers claimed a small win by way of the second amendment. “A lot of folks shouted that one at us before we even started the survey. Little victories, I suppose,” sighed one analyst. At press time, experts released a “Which Amendment Are You” Buzzfeed quiz, in hopes of engaging Gen-Zers.

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